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Poetry by EloraDust

Writing by gurukiki

epic poems and stories of epic epicness by MaDdHatTer4850


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Submitted on
January 28, 2009
File Size
1.6 KB
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Views
9,465
Favourites
297 (who?)
Comments
53

License

Creative Commons License
Some rights reserved. This work is licensed under a
Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 License.
×
"You can't go back," she said
chuckling a bit as I pushed past her.

I didn't understand.

No, it didn't make
much sense to me at all
and the green light
on the other side of the lake
seemed to creep closer
but somewhere deep down
perhaps in the murky waters below
perhaps somewhere inside my mind
or my heart or my soul
it had fallen
and I knew.

"You can't go back!" he called out
and the voice echoed for a while.

Of course I could.

Oh, I could
if I could only stay
in the saddle
on the beast
as it galloped to the top of the mountain
but somewhere below me
perhaps on the ground rushing past
perhaps from my hands clenched so tight
or my lips or my tongue
it had fallen
and I knew.

"I can't go back," I realized
and it seemed so obvious.

I have lost so much.

So, so much
and I could see it all
from the top of the ferris wheel
spread out in every direction
as it was speeding around
but somewhere down there
perhaps in the crowd looking up
perhaps having slipped from my hands
or my pockets like loose change
it had fallen
and I knew...

I knew
that the boat was drifting nowhere
that there was no top to that mountain
that I was really only riding the machine
around and around and around
after all.
...
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Daily Deviation

Given 2011-09-12
Can't Go Back by ~coolcrowe uses rhythm and repetition to create a mood, circling and circling back again. ( Featured by nycterent )
:iconmzcleobabii:
MzCleoBabii Featured By Owner Jan 30, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
I just remembered this today and HAD to look it up. It still gives me chills :) The mood it creates is very.....haunting. I love it.
Reply
:iconeloradust:
EloraDust Featured By Owner Sep 14, 2011
beautiful and sad...
Reply
:icondeviantdarkness101:
deviantdarkness101 Featured By Owner Sep 14, 2011
Ahh, the feelings this provokes lingers very strongly. A poem once read that can't be forgotten.
Reply
:iconucpoika:
UCPoika Featured By Owner Sep 13, 2011
It was--well, an experience--like a dream or something to me. Maybe a little too cool in places though. :toocool:
Reply
:iconayu-dev:
Ayu-Dev Featured By Owner Sep 12, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
Wow... beautiful
Reply
:iconluvsgirls:
luvsgirls Featured By Owner Sep 12, 2011
i like it
Reply
:iconluvsgirls:
luvsgirls Featured By Owner Sep 12, 2011
i like it
Reply
:iconsilenceisseductive:
SilenceisSeductive Featured By Owner Sep 12, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
omg, i love this poem

it really grabs you from the core and it's still haunting you, echoing in your mind even after you've read it

and yes, i agree with everyone else that the transitions from word to word, from line to line in this poem is unfathomably flawless

i also love how this isn't your typical, cheesy, wince-inducing poem...it gets you thinking....very deep

i need to give this poem a few more whacks and to read it a bit more to fully soak it in

once again....LOVE. IT. ...BEAUTIFUL
Reply
:iconcoolcrowe:
coolcrowe Featured By Owner Sep 13, 2011
Thank you!
Reply
:iconlisusha:
lisusha Featured By Owner Sep 12, 2011  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
love it<3
Reply
:iconred-desert-writings:
Red-Desert-Writings Featured By Owner Sep 12, 2011
I wish the commenters thus far would quit using the word "flow". It's very vague, and I suppose it's not very helpful.

That said, I'll be back later to give a full comment on this. This poem is going to need a few more reads.
Reply
:iconmoonlightwillow6:
MoonlightWillow6 Featured By Owner Sep 12, 2011   Writer
The flow of this is just perfect. The repetition was very enchanting. Congrats on the well deserved DD! :)
Reply
:iconcoolcrowe:
coolcrowe Featured By Owner Sep 13, 2011
Thank you!
Reply
:iconcstarcassowarie:
cstarcassowarie Featured By Owner Sep 12, 2011
I like these kind of poems that make my blood drain.
Reply
:iconwhitty-boo:
whitty-boo Featured By Owner Sep 12, 2011  Student Digital Artist
Wow, I absolutely love the flow. Genius!
Reply
:iconcoolcrowe:
coolcrowe Featured By Owner Sep 13, 2011
Appreciate it :)
Reply
:iconooraimaeoo:
OoRaimaeoO Featured By Owner Sep 12, 2011  Student General Artist
Beautiful work! A great flow and it captures your attention right from the start.
Reply
:iconcoolcrowe:
coolcrowe Featured By Owner Sep 13, 2011
Thank you!
Reply
:iconmazdi:
Mazdi Featured By Owner Sep 12, 2011  Professional Interface Designer
This took me a couple reads, but I think I understand.

Wowza.

Well done.

:depressed: :clap:
Reply
:iconcoolcrowe:
coolcrowe Featured By Owner Sep 13, 2011
:) Thank you
Reply
:iconlozziej:
Lozziej Featured By Owner Sep 12, 2011
wow i love this!!!
Reply
:iconiampoetry:
iamPoetry Featured By Owner Sep 12, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
Incredible flow! May be a bit confusing but that's the beauty of it to me. =) Congratulations on the DD also.
Reply
:iconjazabel13:
Jazabel13 Featured By Owner Sep 12, 2011
Do you like Gatsby by any chance?
Reply
:iconcoolcrowe:
coolcrowe Featured By Owner Sep 13, 2011
Yes... good catch on the reference, thanks
Reply
:iconslartijia:
SLArtijia Featured By Owner Sep 12, 2011  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
I was totally wondering the same thing once I read about the green light.
Reply
:iconcoolcrowe:
coolcrowe Featured By Owner Sep 13, 2011
:) Glad to see people caught that.
Reply
:iconsmokincute:
SmokinCute Featured By Owner Sep 12, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
Wow! I loved this. :) It's full of so much emotion and kept me until the end. <3 Great job.
Reply
:iconcoolcrowe:
coolcrowe Featured By Owner Sep 13, 2011
Thanks much!
Reply
:icongoldenqueen:
GoldenQueen Featured By Owner Sep 12, 2011  Hobbyist Artist
Honestly, you deserve much more comments because this is the most beautiful poem I've ever read in my whole life. All those feelings inside it ... and ... I just don't know how to describe it. It's amazing.
Reply
:iconcoolcrowe:
coolcrowe Featured By Owner Sep 13, 2011
Wow, I'm so glad you enjoyed it! Makes me glad I wrote it :)
Reply
:iconpixieburlesque:
pixieburlesque Featured By Owner Sep 12, 2011  Student General Artist
puzzling ambiguous brilliant a bit hopelessly sad
Reply
:iconcoolcrowe:
coolcrowe Featured By Owner Sep 13, 2011
Pretty much how I felt when I wrote it. Thanks
Reply
:iconragnaice:
ragnaice Featured By Owner Sep 12, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
I felt all the feelings -the stubbornness, confusion, realization and acceptance -while reading this. Beautifully done!
Reply
:iconcoolcrowe:
coolcrowe Featured By Owner Sep 13, 2011
Thanks for the awesome compliment.
Reply
:iconfoggypebble:
FoggyPebble Featured By Owner Sep 12, 2011
This reminds me of All Dogs Go To Heaven 1.
"Charlie..! You can never come back.. You can never come back..."
The spiraling, water imagery.
Reply
:iconcoolcrowe:
coolcrowe Featured By Owner Sep 13, 2011
Good stuff! I haven't seen that movie in ages
Reply
:iconrinnian:
Rinnian Featured By Owner Sep 12, 2011  Student General Artist
Is it just me, or did I see a Great Gatsby reference?
Reply
:iconcoolcrowe:
coolcrowe Featured By Owner Sep 13, 2011
Yep. Thanks
Reply
:iconjalaska24:
Jalaska24 Featured By Owner Sep 12, 2011
i thought of that too! weird when english class pays off in little moments like these. XD
Reply
:iconcoolcrowe:
coolcrowe Featured By Owner Sep 13, 2011
:) I had an excellent English teacher in High School, and she turned me on to Fitzgerald. Gatsby's longing stuck with me, and came out a little in this poem.
Reply
:iconrinnian:
Rinnian Featured By Owner Sep 12, 2011  Student General Artist
I just genuinely like the book lol.
Reply
:iconjalaska24:
Jalaska24 Featured By Owner Sep 15, 2011
haha, i did too, it was written so beautifully. but besides reading it, it's really fun when you catch little references that you otherwise wouldn't have. :D
Reply
:iconcandimente:
Candimente Featured By Owner Sep 12, 2011  Student Filmographer
Same here. :D
Reply
:iconnightwolfsnow:
nightwolfsnow Featured By Owner Sep 12, 2011
Gatsby green light references ftw. :thumbsup:
Reply
:iconkataclysme:
Kataclysme Featured By Owner Sep 12, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
Not just you :)
Reply
:iconraabit:
Raabit Featured By Owner Sep 12, 2011  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Same =]
Reply
:iconphaedrus341:
phaedrus341 Featured By Owner Sep 12, 2011
+1
Reply
:iconimaginary--thoughts:
Imaginary--Thoughts Featured By Owner Sep 12, 2011  Student Writer
Only two comments? (well, maybe dA is being weird and I'm seeing things..)

I was confused up until the end with all the scenes changing so much, but I really, really dig that ending. It's so much more universal than the tight little stories it starts with and it kinda...ties them together neatly--if I'm making sense, it's one in the morning here. I ended up reading the whole thing again a couple times. It makes more sense on the second and third passes XD

Very intriguing, not naming the object that was lost.
Reply
:iconcoolcrowe:
coolcrowe Featured By Owner Sep 13, 2011
Thanks! Glad to see people put thought into it.
Reply
:iconsammehsweet:
sammehsweet Featured By Owner Sep 12, 2011
This is just so wonderful. I love the way you've put this together - the structure is unique and the content so poignant. Congrats :)
Reply
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